The Final Sorry
by ImmaFangirl
Summary: Gale Hawthorne is only barely living. Katniss Everdeen was the only thing in his life that meant anything to him, but she's also the thing he'll never have. Without her, he can never experience true happiness ever again. He was a coward. Now he realises the only way he can be free is by finally righting his wrongs and facing his demons. Post Mockingjay. Gale's perspective.


My life has no meaning. Although some people would say otherwise. Gale Hawthorne, CEO of Hawthorne Corporation, or ThornCorp for short. I designed the most envied war weaponry in all of Panem. Anyone who had the slightest interest in combat or battle would be waiting at the shops that sell my products since dawn just to get one before they sell out. Only 28, and I was already swimming in a pile of money. I was young, rich and famous. I could get any girl I wanted in my bed before you could say 'wow'. What else is there to life?

But there was only one girl I truly loved. And she belonged to another man.

Katniss Everdeen. Or Katniss Mellark, to be more accurate.

I've loved her since I was barely eighteen. One of our good friends, Darius, was teasing her at a place called the Hob. Darius was a Peacekeeper. We were supposed to hate him, and he was supposed to hate us. But against all odds, we became friends.

Darius tried coaxing her into a deal. A rabbit for a kiss. I remember laughing it off, because Darius never took anything seriously, and Katniss was the type who was never interested in love and relationships.

Of course, Katniss turned him down, but Darius kept insisting. Katniss looked weary from his persistence. I knew that look. Any time now, she'd give in just to get him to stop. I pictured Darius' lips on Katniss' and immediately dragged her away, telling Darius we'd be back tomorrow with more game.

I denied it, but deep down inside, I knew that I was hopelessly in love with her.

On the day of the Reaping for the 74th Hunger Games, I told her I wanted to run away with her. We'd make it by ourselves in the woods. Just the two of us, living on some turkey and squirrel meat. Away from the pathetic excuse of the world we live in.

But she refused. She couldn't bear to leave behind her mother and Prim, the only two people that meant more to her than I did.

I know now, I should have just kidnapped her and taken her with me. Because it was those 74th Hunger Games where she met _him_. The man who stole her away from me.

Peeta Mellark.

Anyone with two eyes could tell immediately that he loved her as much as I did. Even without his declaration of love in the interviews, he proved that his heart belonged only to her by protecting her in the arena. In a way, I am grateful to him. He kept her alive, even if it hurt me to see it.

She didn't love him at first. If anyone knew Katniss, it was me. I saw right through her act, but there was no denying wave after wave of jealousy with each kiss, each touch, each public display of affection she was showing to someone other than me.

I was glad she was alive. I knew her performance of love towards Peeta was nothing but that, a performance, but I wanted to make sure. So I kissed her.

I went home and lay on my bed, trying to organise my thoughts. The feeling of her lips on mine drove me insane, and I wondered to myself why on earth I had waited so long.

Later on, she told me that she wanted to run away, like how I suggested. The pressure of protecting her mother and Prim and keeping up her fake relationship with Peeta was finally getting to her. I was ecstatic and told her I'd go. We'd get our families together and we'd escape into the woods. It was like I was finally getting what I've wanted for so long. Out of pure joy, I kissed her and told her I loved her, seeing no reason to hold back.

But then she mentioned bringing Peeta and Haymitch. I studied her expression. She might not know it yet, but I could tell. She had feelings for Peeta. And I instantly felt angry. Angry at Peeta, for coming into her life and subconsciously working his way into her heart. Angry at the Capitol for even organised these stupid Hunger Games in the first place where she met him. And angry at her, for even suggesting it after I just told her I loved her.

If only I had agreed to run away with her, even with Peeta and Haymitch at the time. Not long after, President Snow announced that for the 75th Hunger Games, she'd have to go back in.

I watched her every day back in the arena that almost ended her life. The look of determination she wore at all times. She had a goal in mind. And I had a strong feeling that it didn't involve sustaining her own life.

Then Peeta lost his life. The look of pure desperation and sorrow on her face broke my heart. She loved him. If I wasn't 100% sure the first time, I was now. And the joy and relief evident when he was revived just reinforced my assumption. And I knew, that was her goal. Keeping Peeta alive.

Then she ended the Games on her own terms. More than one victor walked away alive, and this angered the Capitol. They obliterated District 12 out of anger and hate. I managed to save her mother and Prim, which I knew she'd be grateful for.

But I had failed to save what mattered most to her in the end.

Peeta.

No matter how helpless I was to save Peeta's life, I would've done everything in my power to do so just to prevent seeing her so broken.

I walked along the edge of the village, sitting down in the same place she kissed me last. Even if she was only kissing me to numb the pain of Peeta's absence. I know I should've stopped. In a way, she was only using me. A substitute for the boy she truly loves. Just like I was using all those girls. Substitutes for the girl I truly love.

And the heaviest burden of all, the guilt of murdering her sister. I never intended for Prim to die. The sweet innocent little girl who cried whenever Katniss and I killed a squirrel for food. The Prim who had the heart to heal any living creature in pain, no matter how dangerous.

Which is what led to her death.

Katniss never looked at me the same way again. Gone were the days of the two of us sneaking out into the woods and hunting to provide a meal on the table. Gone were the days we'd speak the words we wouldn't dare let anyone else's ears hear. Gone were the days in the Hob where she'd walk around, completely oblivious to the effect she had on the people around her. Gone were the days she loved me like she used to.

An idea formed in my mind. It started off simple, but as I spent more time nurturing this idea with both my knowledge and cognition, it grew into a plan, a design even, that demanded to be drawn out. Just like my weapon designs. But this time, this plan required more than just being acknowledged and brought out into the world. This plan required action and fulfillment to actually have an effect.

I've waited far too long for this. And my burden ends now.

I was going to see Katniss Everdeen.

No, I need to stop addressing her as if she was the same girl who I hunted with me in the woods ten years ago.

I needed to accept the fact that she was a woman who developed her own independence, but simultaneously, reliance on the guy she loved. The guy who's name will never be my own.

I was going to see Katniss Mellark.

I stood in front of the door to their house. The lights were on and the smell of baking bread drifted from a window. Someone was definitely home.

I brought my hand up to knock, but hesitated before dropping it back down. What on earth was I thinking? Katniss will never forgive me when she finds out. And telling her would destroy whatever tiny bit of respect she still has for me. This was a bad idea. This was a terrible idea.

Before I could walk away, a small head popped out of one of the windows. He had blond hair, just like his father, but his eyes... I'd recognise those grey eyes anywhere. Those eyes unmistakably belonged to his mother.

I gave him a small smile, but it felt more like a grimace. It hurt seeing the product of Katniss and Peeta's love.

The child took off, calling for his father.

Peeta opened the door minutes later. Flour covered his hands and baker's apron. The little boy from earlier hid behind his legs.

"Gale." I looked up at my name but quickly looked back down, avoiding his gaze.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come-"

"You're looking for Katniss, aren't you?" he asked. I looked up to read his expression. Instead of hostility, I am met to his blue eyes filled with sympathy.

"Why aren't you telling me to leave? How can you even stand my presence here?" I said.

"Because I'm not Katniss. Do you want to come in?" he asked.

I grudgingly stepped in and follow Peeta into the kitchen, where the smell of baking bread grew stronger. He invited me to sit down while he took the bread out of the oven.

"Daddy!" the boy says, seeing the freshly baked bread.

"You can have some when your mother and sister get home, Jax," he says patiently. Jax frowned in defiance and I swear he looks exactly like Katniss. Peeta kneels until he's face to face with Jax. "There's some cupcakes in the pantry that need to be iced. Liatris' wanted to ice them for a while now. Maybe you can get a head start."

The idea of breaking a rule seemed to amuse Jax. He immediately ran to the pantry to the awaiting cupcakes. Peeta shot me a small smile as hanging his apron up.

Katniss and Peeta have forged a new life from the ruins of their past together. And their hard labour has obviously paid off. They live a life of peace and happiness. The very house itself emits joy and warmth. I suddenly feel out of place. I don't belong here. My pained aura obviously disrupts the general positive atmosphere.

Peeta took a seat across from me. "You still love her, don't you?" he asked. I stared at my hands and nodded.

He leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Well, she's definitely something, isn't she?"

I stood up suddenly and glared at him. "Why don't you just kick me out now. I'm disturbing the peace around here. How can you be so patient? So sympathetic towards a pathetic excuse of a human being like me?" I demanded, letting all the bitterness pour out.

It was true though. I thought of the situation reversed. If I was the one spending the rest of my life with Katniss, happy to leave behind her dark past. And then Peeta just appears out of nowhere, intruding on the peaceful life we'd worked so hard to build. If it were me, Peeta would be unconscious on the floor outside the house, laying in a pool of his own blood. I had no restraints on my anger... or my envy.

"Gale, sit down." I obliged willingly. His voice was still kind and gentle. I am starting to see why Katniss chose him over me. I'd never be able to muster that amount of patience to someone who's done what I have.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "I just-" I exhaled deeply and reluctantly looked into his eyes. "I wanted one last chance to talk to Katniss."

I braced myself for impact. Surely, no man could show kindness to a despicable person like me for this long. Especially after I've just admitted my intentions. Surely, I could be trying to win her back.

"She won't be here in at least three hours. I can make you something to eat while you wait," he offered. I stared at him in shock. Before I could release my shock and negativity again, Peeta spoke. "Save your breath, Gale. You know I won't drive you away. Now do you want something to eat or not?"

I sighed in defeat. "No, I won't bother you for too long." I buried my face in my hands. "I just want her forgiveness. And I promise you'll never see me again."

"Gale, you're not-"

"Yes I am! I hate my life! I wish I was dead! And even that simple wish can't be granted for the sake of my company! The only thing that ever meant anything in my life was Katniss. My life doesn't mean anything without her. She can't even look at me properly now. She hates me, Peeta. And I hate me." I looked up at him, my eyes full of pain.

He looked at me with pity. It made me irritated because I hate it when people show pity towards me. As if I'd ever be someone who needed it. But then I realised, I am. That kind of thinking is a result of pride and arrogance. Arrogance fanned by my flames of anger towards those living in wealth who never seemed to help. And I am someone in need of pity. Because I have become exactly the type of person I hated.

Peeta stood up and walked away. At first I thought it was because he was disgusted with me. He couldn't take anymore of my pathetic speech and dismissed himself. I don't blame him. I'd be disgusted with myself too. But he returned a few minutes later with a bottle of wine and two simple household cups.

"This wine is supposed to be for Haymitch just in case he runs out and goes insane again. But I guess he could spare a bottle," he said, pouring out some liquid into the two cups. He handed one to me.

"Thanks," I said, bringing the cup to my lips. I let the bitter liquid run down my throat. I immediately felt some of the effects. My pain seemed to abate, even if it was only a little bit.

I frowned at my choice of words. 'Thanks' seemed too casual. It did not carry out all the gratitude and appreciation I had for Peeta. "Thank you, Peeta."

He smiled in response. "Feel free to finish the bottle."

I poured myself another cup, not feeling like telling him that I could afford numerous bottles of wine back in District 2.

A few cups later, I was sobbing on the table and pouring out all the demons that had haunted me for the past decade. Peeta sat there and listened with open ears. My tongue was under the influence of alcohol and allowed me to lower my defenses for that moment.

I told him about my crushing guilt of murdering Prim. It was my own contraption that murdered her, brought to life by my desire of justice. Although it wasn't used the way I wanted it to be, it was still my own creation.

I told him that even though several years had passed, I was still utterly in love with Katniss. She would be bittersweet memory that brought me both joy and pain. And even though I could get temporary happiness from any girl I wanted, she was what pulled me back into my unmerciful reality. I would never be truly happy ever again.

And lastly, I told him my hatred and envy towards him. I hated him with my entire being. We were once both terrible opponents in the war for her love. And even though I had the advantage of time and intimacy, both of those were robbed off me because of my fear. With no more advantages separating Peeta and I, we were on even ground. And after a long and tedious battle to win her over, Peeta came out as victor. I hated the fact that he cared for her and stayed by her side whereas I had abandoned her as soon as I couldn't stand the guilt of murdering Prim. He had earned his victory. I hated how he was still showing me kindness despite all my unforgivable mistakes and my monstrous flaws. And I envied the life they had together. How they were able to create something beautiful out of the scars and ruins of their pasts. Amongst all the despair and pain, they had found hope and with some nurturing, blossomed into eternal happiness.

"If you didn't hate me before, you must hate me now," I muttered hopelessly after my confession.

Peeta's expression, once gentle and kind, showed nothing. His face was plain and unexpressive, revealing no emotions. He hated me now.

"I don't hate you," he said simply after a while.

"You're lying," I grumbled.

He sighed. "Look, I'm no therapist. And as much as it makes me feel uncomfortable hearing another guy talk about his love for my wife, I don't want you to be unhappy. I don't want anyone to be unhappy. Not when Snow's gone. You were once someone worthy of Katniss' love. And maybe if you tried harder, you'll get over her and find someone better suited to you."

I looked up from my spot on the table and glared at him. "Are you implying that I'm not suited for Katniss?" I growled.

"Yes," he stated.

Before I threw a drunken blow to his face, I considered this. He was correct. I wasn't suited for Katniss. I never was. I carried too much anger and strength while Peeta bore kindness and gentleness.

"You're right," I admitted miserably. While I had spent my entire time here moaning about my pathetic life and my love for Katniss, I never really considered Peeta, the one who had earned her love. How selfish of me.

"You love her," I said.

"With all my heart," he replied.

I sat up straighter and fixed myself up, feeling the effects of alcohol wearing off. "Thank you, Peeta. For everything."

"Any time."

"Just tell her, okay? Tell her everything," I said, understanding that this was the only way I would be relieved of my pain.

"You have my word," he answered sincerely.

Jax came back into the room carrying an iced cupcake. "Daddy! Look!"

Peeta took the cupcake and examined it carefully. It was very messily iced, with bits of red and yellow in random places. "Its beautiful, Jax."

Jax eyed me and after some hesitation, carefully stretched his arm out, holding the cupcake out to me. I smiled at him and gratefully took it. A smile burst on his face and he giggled with joy.

I stood up, organising my emotions and thoughts. "Goodbye, Peeta. And Jax," I added.

Jax looked up at his name. "Bye bye!"

Peeta lifted Jax into his arms. "Bye, Gale. Good luck with everything."

"Thank you."

I let myself out through the door and made my way through the place that was once my home. Even though it was destroyed, the people had moved back in and repaired it. District 12 was now buzzing with livelihood and busyness.

I saw a familiar head of brown hair and grey eyes. She was walking along the shops, holding a little girl's hand. The girl had her dark hair, but her blue eyes demonstrated the same gentleness I saw in her father.

I caught Katniss' eye. Her eyes widened with shock and recognition but she quickly recomposed herself and settled for a glare. Her eyes reflected the image of Prim's helpless body, burning in flames and I quickly looked away She carried the girl and walked to her home with a faster stride.

Pain shot through my body, but I quickly dismissed it, accepting the fact that she'll never be mine. But if Peeta carries out his word, maybe she won't hate me as much.

I continued my journey until I stood on a hill on the edge of District 12. I could see everything from here.

Katniss arrived to her home and knocked on the door. Peeta answered the door and the little girl Katniss was carrying leaped into his arms. Peeta smiled at his daughter fondly and kissed her forehead before putting her down. He faced Katniss, his expression much more bright than the one he wore when I was there. They kissed briefly. Katniss told him something that, judging by the look on her face, distressed her. Probably her encounter with me. Then Peeta said something and locked eyes with me. I gave him a slight nod and he pulled Katniss in, closing the door behind her.

I turned around and continued my walk back to District 2, smiling in relief. I could feel my burden slowly lifting from me. Although I knew I'd never be truly happy in the way I wanted, maybe I could find the happiness suited to me.

I passed my a bush of the same berries Katniss and I used to play with. The same berries she'd throw into the air and I'd catch with my mouth.

_May the odds be ever in my favour_.


End file.
